Thats Daddy. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! 50. you cant do both. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? 36. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. 2. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. . Aircraft Engineers 1. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . 49. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Why won't you kiss me? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. . It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, 15. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Only one. Reply: No, I say again. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. 2. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Aeronautical Humor. 10. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Large mahogany desk.. Auld Lang Slice Individual use is by implied consent. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. 3. The other replied, Not me! One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. 35. But I had the last laugh. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. 34. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. How tough? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Learn from the mistakes of others. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. An airplane! Read more. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Proceed at your own risk. Marine: Wait, stop. If pilots screw up, they die. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. I was very nervous, she said. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 27. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Fish Food. Anecdotes 1. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? 42. [Answered]. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. A military captain saying I was just thinking Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . 16. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Me: Still the wrong number. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Then one day I couldnt find it. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I just put them all together for your amusement. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. I was very nervous, she said. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 4. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? SUB sandwiches! He thought he would be home about 13:30. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Me: No, I dont. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. But yours is.. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Altitude is life insurance. Of course, he responded. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. 32. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. 8. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. ", 55. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Did you make it all by yourself? Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? We were a tough group. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. He nodded. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Eat up! Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. There are many branches of the military. I was the tallest guy in line. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. 40. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 28. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Speed is life. You had tents?, USAF: Birds A drill serGENTLEMEN! 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. She also liked her scotch. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Did it work? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Semper Pie Why? I asked. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. A PETTY officer! What do hungry Marines eat? 7. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. 65. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. It took the poor guy all day. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 5. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Rodrigues there? This site contains affiliate links. 54. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. USA: Choppers Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Stay out of clouds. Co-Pilot: What?!. Divert your course NOW! Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Why Do We Celebrate It? One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 66. Then came Dads ships turn. A friend paid my mother a visit. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. How tough? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. R-i-i-ing!) Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. But something struck me as odd. Then one day I couldnt find it. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. This happened several times times throughout the flight. The reason? A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". 41. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. ! Again, no reply. Long Haul The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Pizza de Resistance It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? It was sheer brilliance. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Dad got quiet. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Baltimore, said Dad. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be.
